It's the beginning of the year, we are still ramping up Justin in his business. He is working so incredibly hard right now and I am proud of him. I see a whole new committment with him a drive that I wasn't sure existed. He is focused. He is sincere. There is no doubt in my mind he is going to be very successful in life.
Wait, what about me?! What about my career? My success? I am used to accolades and frankly, love them! In fact, last year, I found my work in The NY Times, Fox 13 News and voted Top Real Estate Agent in Seattle Magazine for 2010. Despite the brutal market and diminishing income, I was on top of my game with publicity, excitement and pat-on-the-backs for a job well done.
We're one month into 2010 and my only acknowledgement for this never ending job called motherhood is spit up on my shirts, poop pick up X 4 (two kids, two dogs) and making sure everyone is fed, bathed, dressed with me coming last. At least once a day, I ask myself, how long can I do this? Am I really meant for this? Will someone please give me a backrub?!
In an email I sent Justin this week, I wrote the following...
Financially, I feel helpless right now. Lost. Confused. Humbled. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO used to contributing and this whole transition is making me doubt myself, my career, my choice to stay home, ugh, ugh, ugh. I know I don’t want to put my family through the ringers just so I can maybe get a pay check in 2-3 months that will be a couple thousand dollars. I hate real estate for all of its inconsistencies. I need to pursue something else, but who has the time when I struggle finding a minute to pee with two little ones constantly needing my help?
Deep breath. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath. This is all happening for a reason.
I surrender.
My Aunt Julie and I had such a super duper fun time. I learned I could do all sorts of tricks in my Bumbo chair and she was great with Peek-a-boo, too.
My Grams came out to see me, too. She is so loving and made sure I was held a lot, which I am not complainin' about what so ever!
Yesterday, we had Anya's 6 month check-up (seconds end up going later at 6.5 months!) and the doctor said she is doing great! The list of vaccines is growing, which I find a bit concerning. My question for the doctor was, "can these little babies really handle all these immunizations?" She convinced me it was fine, so we went with H1N1 among 4 others.
